Dating As A Senior Citizen

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Dating

Returning to the dating scene can be terrifying for seniors. What am I supposed to do and when am I supposed to do it? What should I wear? Where should we go? Questions! Questions! Questions!

Common sense should prevail when it comes to proper dating etiquette for senior singles. Here are our Top 10 quick tips to proper dating etiquette for single seniors who are starting to reenter the dating arena.

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  1. Be ready with some open-ended questions.
  2. Keep your conversation appropriate.
  3. Allow the first kiss to happen naturally.
  4. Only date one person at a time or be upfront about it.
  5. Take your time.
  6. Have fun.

Read on for a further explanation.

Contents

  • 2 Our Top 10 etiquette tips for single seniors
  • 3 Allow the first kiss to happen naturally

What is etiquette?

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Wikipedia says that etiquette is the set of conventional rules of personal behavior in polite society, usually in the form of an ethical code that delineates the expected and accepted social behaviors that accord with the conventions and norms observed by a society, a social class, or a social group.

Our Top 10 etiquette tips for single seniors

With apologies to Emily Post, here are suggestions. Rules seem to be too rigid and harsh. Rules stifle fun. Common sense fosters fun!

Be honest in your search

After my wife passed and I decided that I should start dating, I turned to online dating. Having married my high school sweetheart, I was really, really inexperienced at dating. She was really the only one I seriously dated in high school. It was terrifying, to say the least. We had moved quite a bit over our almost 40 years of marriage.

I knew of and about people all over the country. I was totally surprised to see people I knew pop up in my searches. They could have won awards in creative writing. Many of the pictures were twenty years out of date as well.

Be comfortable in your own skin. You are what you are. We all have warts. There is nothing to be gained by posting old pictures and phony bios. How would you explain the differences during the first date anyway? That’s not a good way to establish a relationship. I wrote about online dating in an earlier article. You can read it here.

Men should pay for the first date

I am a bit old fashioned but I believe men should always pay for the first date. If finances are a bit tight, choose the venue for your first date accordingly. Conversely, women should be prepared to offer to pay their share or to leave the tip.

Focus on the little things that do not cost anything. If you are spending less on her, ramp up the attention.

In the liberated environment of today, women can and do take the lead. A new line of thinking is that whoever extended the invitation should pay. However, I am a traditionalist. I think it is best to follow tradition no matter who extended the invitation and the man should pay.

Always choose a public place for a first date

Safety has to be the first rule of senior dating, especially if you met online. Never propose or never agree to any venue that will put you in jeopardy. Chose public, well-lighted places. It is best to meet at the chosen venue. Meeting rather than being picked up has the added benefit of being able to leave when you want to leave if things are going badly.

Follow your gut. If things feel uncomfortable, end the date immediately.

Always let a friend know when and where you’re going and when you will be back. It adds another layer of safety.

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Best behavior is mandatory

Both parties need to be on their best behavior. So, what does best behavior look like for you? First of all, avoid the big three topics that might not end well: religion, politics, and money. Everything you do should be built on the foundation of respect – for yourself and for your date.

Relying on more traditional manners from Emily Post to start out any relationship will get you started right! One never has to apologize for being a lady or gentleman.

Be ready with some open-ended questions

Long pauses in the conversation can seem like an eternity. Avoid them by having in mind a few open-ended questions in mind to stimulate the conversation.

Consider it your responsibility to keep the conversation going – not by talking but by asking open-ended questions. You know, who, what, why, when, where questions. They stimulate conversation.

Avoid closed end questions. Those are questions that can be answer by yes or no. They kill conversation. Consider what answers you will get with “what are your hobbies”versus “do you like to ski” and you will get the idea.

If you ask your date about themselves and speak little of yourself, your date will think you are a wonderful conversationalist. In fact, they will be right. You will be!

eHarmony has a great article. Check it our here.

Keep your conversations appropriate

Forget about past relationships. Whether past relationships were good or bad, nothing good comes from looking back while you are getting acquainted on a first date, a second date, or even a third date. There will be plenty of time for that later if the relationship develops.

Focus on the one you are with today and look forward. It is extremely bad form to go on and on about an ex. Conversely, going on and on about a departed partner can be just as bad. It is OK to answer questions but do not dwell on the past.

Be cautious with financial information. Of course, full financial disclosure is mandatory at some point if the relationship develops. Finances should be a taboo subject on a first date and a red flag if it comes up during your date.

Allow the first kiss to happen naturally

Remember your first kiss when you were a teenager? It was exciting, exhilarating, and scary all in the same moment. You probably were not very good at it either. But, it all turned out alright, didn’t it?

Unleash your inner teenager. Just don’t rush it. Who initiates that first kiss? Either one of you can.

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First date? Second date? Third Date? It doesn’t matter. You’ll know when the time is right. Here’s another place to follow your gut.

Aren’t butterflies fun!? They are not exclusive to teenagers and young adults.

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Only date one person at a time

It is not unusual to date many different people at a time. The caveat here is that you always need to be open and tell your date. The decision to go exclusive should be a mutual decision. It is not a decision to be rushed.

Take your time

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Although, as seniors, our time may be limited, senior dating is more of a marathon than a sprint. Courting requires time. Your courting behavior creates and fosters a woman’s feelings of attraction. The opposite is true as well.

Have fun

Remember that your goal is to get acquainted not a life mate. It is the first date after all. Relax. Smile. Have fun. What is the worst thing that can happen? Quite frankly, if you watch out for your personal safety in your planning, the worst thing that can happen is you don’t go out again. The best thing is you go out again. Isn’t that a win-win proposition?

Best senior dating sites

Following are my Top 5 dating sites for seniors.

Dating As A Senior Citizen

  • Match
  • eHarmony
  • Christian Mingle
  • Silver Singles
  • Elite Singles

You can read my review of them here.

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Senior Citizens Dating- Are You Ready To Take The Plunge

Forget knitting, crochet or golf. Senior Citizens Dating is booming as many of us reach retirement and realise that the golden years are ideal for sharing.

The family is raised – well yes I know they are probably still your babies and may even be living at home (when will they move out?) but in fairness once they hit 30 your job is done. The career ladder has been climbed, the retirement check has been cashed, but you are not yet ready for a life of rocking chairs and bingo.

Dating at any age can be nerve racking. Now we are older, we have, hopefully!, accepted that we aren’t Grace Kelly or Rock Hudson. We are generally happy with our appearance although we would make an effort when going on a date. We have achieved most of what we want out of life so are not looking to another person to provide us with a family or stability. Just someone to share precious moments.

But while we may be happy with our lives and feel confident in most areas, it is very rare not to feel nervous when you first contact a senior citizen dating service. What type of service would you prefer to use? You can access senior online dating services, a senior dating group or the personals in your local paper should have a section for seniors.

So how do you prepare for your first senior date? Well to all intents and purposes it is almost like an interview. You need to be aware of your own strengths and weaknesses. Some dating companies will ask you to complete a questionnaire detailing these.

It can be difficult to write a paragraph describing yourself in the best possible light but your best friends could help a lot. Just ask them to give you a list of your best qualities and to put your less attractive personality traits in the most positive language possible. For example, if you have a tendency to talk incessantly – a common complaint among us women, your best friend is not likely to describe you as having verbal diarrhea. Instead they may say you are exuberant or enthusiastic.

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I am not suggesting you lie. It is a waste of time although very common. Have you ever looked at the personal ads? Almost every person describes themselves as having a GSOH i.e. a great sense of humour. Only say that if it is true. Your perfect match may not want someone who cracks jokes every five minutes. Be yourself, don’t try to be someone else.

Also think about the qualities that you would like your partner to have. Would they be married, divorced, single or widowed? Does their religious or cultural background matter to you? What about their financial status?

Going dating is rather like going shopping. You hope that you will find the perfect match but you should be willing to enjoy the experience regardless. I think we should look, at senior citizens, dating as a way to grab whatever opportunities we have to enjoy our lives as much as possible.