Dating For The Over 50s
For those women over 50 who are reentering the dating scene, it’s hard to know what to expect. In many ways, dating men is still the same as when you were in your twenties – communication remains key, intimacy is still awkward – but, with age and experience, comes some key differences.
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We asked dating experts, Valerie Gibson, author of Later Dater: A Guide for Newly Single Women Over 50, and Ronnie Ann Ryan, the Dating Coach for Women, about the six things they should know about men in their 50s.
He wants someone close to his age. Despite what Hollywood May-December pairings suggest, Gibson says a man in his 50s wants to date a woman close to his own age. “Most men are looking for women closer to their own age because they understand and have had similar experiences,” says Gibson. “They know women over 50 understand the aging process and men who are like themselves. Men want support from someone who does understand them. They don’t just want a trophy wife.”
He has emotional baggage. Men over 50 have lived a life already — many of whom are either widowed or divorced — which means he might be carrying some residual trauma from his past. “If he has kids or an ex-wife in the picture, the drama isn’t going to get better,” says Ryan. “You have to decide if you want that. A lot of drama doesn’t create love. You have to ask, ‘is that worth it?’”
Gibson puts it another way: “Yes, he will have considerable baggage, but so do you. That’s not to be forgotten. You might have been married and/or have children, so it’s important to remain flexible on these issues.” But, as Ryan advises, be sure you’re still his priority.
He craves emotional support. Men who find themselves single in their 50s have often been married for many years, so they continue to desire the companionship and emotional support they once shared. However, his longing for closeness might not be all what it seems. “Men like and appreciate feminine support,” Ryan says. “They’ll look for emotional support with a woman and she’ll think, ‘oh, he must like me,” and often times, he just needs the emotional support. He will pursue her through text and online just for that. The woman will then assume they are in a relationship, but they’re really not.” What to do? Clarify your relationship status, stat.
He might be old-fashioned. Men in their 50s come from a time when it was expected of them to make the first move. “Let him ask you out, contact you again for the next date and be the pursuer,” advises Ryan. If you enjoyed his company, let him know. “Tell him you had a good time and thank him for choosing a good restaurant or whatever he did,” says Ryan. “Appreciation is important. And offer a compliment – tell him he’s funny, easy to talk to – whatever comes to mind.”
He wants to get intimate. “Men in their 50s do enjoy sex. A lot of people think men and women over 50 don’t enjoy it, but it’s not true,” says Gibson. However, Gibson says it’s vital to communicate what you’re looking for whether it’s a relationship or something more casual. She also notes the rampant STDs within the 50+ age group. People over 50 are having multiple partners without using protection, because many are not used to using contraception, such as condoms.
Ryan advises to hold off on intimacy until the relationship is monogamous, or at least the sixth date, if you’re wondering whether he will stick around after the deed. “Watch for consistency in behavior,” she says. “What he does is what matters most, not what he says he’ll do.” And keep in mind that what 50-year-old men want in bed is different than younger men.
He might have health issues. “A lot of women don’t think about health issues. They think they’ll meet the next George Clooney. He’s going to be fit as a fiddle and all these dreamy things,” says Gibson. “But men over 50 do have health issues, and some of them are quite serious. You may come across diabetes, heart problems, erectile dysfunction…You have to ask questions and decide what suits your needs and desires.”
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If you’re a man who is over 50 and attempting to date women, you might not realize the distinct advantages that you possess over younger guys.
A man of your age has had a lot of life experience and you really should be using that to feel confident in what you’ve got to offer women. Unlike a younger man who is still trying to work out who he is and what he should be doing with his life, you’ve likely past those stages and have become your true self as a man.
So, from here, you need to have confidence in the overall value that a woman will gain (emotionally, mentally, financially, etc) by being with man like you. However, don’t try to pitch it that way to women.
Women don’t like it when a man tries to sell himself to her by listing off all of his great or beneficial qualities. Instead, what you need to do is trigger her feelings of sexual attraction for you.
When you’ve triggered a woman’s feelings of sexual attraction, she then starts to look at everything else about you in a more positive light. Here’s how it works…
As you will discover from the video above, it’s possible for you to attract women who are a lot younger than you.
Most women (not all) are open to feeling attracted to different types of guys and if you can make a woman feel what she’s hoping to feel with a guy, she will be much more open to dating and getting into a relationship with a man of your age.
Getting Past Your Age
I think it’s fair to say that most people still consider dating to be something that “young” people do.
Despite the changes in our society, there still seems to be an unwritten law that once you’re passed a certain age you’re too “old” for dating. Yet, if you’ve reached that certain age and you’re a single man looking for love, the fact is that you’re going to find it in the same way that guys in their 20s and 30s do – and that’s dating.
Dating after 50 is no different to dating at any other age, because the principles of it remain the same.
After all, the whole idea of dating is to get to know the woman you’re attracted to and to figure out whether she is someone that you’re interested in being in a relationship with. However, with that said, the most common mistake that guys over 50 make when trying to woo a woman, is that they forget the all important element of sexual attraction.
Getting Back in to the Dating Scene
It’s understandable that many men in their 50s, who find themselves returning to the dating scene after decades of being in a relationship, start off feeling a bit insecure and unsure of themselves. If this is you, I can help you.
Insecurity and lack of confidence in your attractiveness and value to women at any age is a barrier to success with women, but the good news is that any man can overcome that at any stage in their life and irrespective of age. All a guy needs is a willingness to learn.
“But, I Don’t Have My Youthful Looks…”
Something a lot of guys in their 50s say to me is, “Dan, how am I supposed to attract a new woman into my life now that I’ve no longer got my youthful appearance? Surely, most women aren’t going to be interested in an old fella like me.”
What such men don’t realise is that I also get comments from guys half their age saying, “How am I going to attract a woman without movie star good looks?
Isn’t it all about being tall, dark and handsome?” I answer everyone in the same way – a man’s looks have very little to do with how attractive he is.
The notion that “attractiveness” is the way you look, the way you style your hair, the clothes you wear or even the car you drive is nonsense, but it’s the nonsense that is shoved in our faces day in and day out through TV, magazine and billboard advertising campaigns.
They want you to think that way because it makes you buy their cars, deodorants, colognes and expensive clothing.
You know the sort of thing I mean – wear a certain brand of deodorant and you’ll be irresistible to women, wear a certain brand of watch and you’ll become a distinguished gentleman in a woman’s eyes, wear a certain designer label and you’ll have soccer star status, etc.
Yet, when you go and buy those things, women still aren’t going to be interested unless you have the confidence and belief in yourself as a man to back it up.
A watch isn’t going to get you laid and a hairstyle isn’t going to make women say, “Wow, now THAT is what I’ve been looking for! The way you’ve styled your hair is perfect! Let’s have sex!”
In the real world (not the TV commercial world), women are attracted to confident men; they don’t buy into the false world of advertising “attractiveness,” so why should you? The sooner you let go of the idea that your not-so-good-looks are holding you back, the sooner you can get on with discovering what women really find attractive in a man.
Focussing on what you don’t have gets you nowhere, but focussing on what you do have gets you moving towards having whatever you want. Women love a man who believes in himself because he decides to believe in himself for deeper reasons.
Having temporary confidence over a new shirt you’ve just bought at a designer shop isn’t going to last very long at all. In fact, if you’re going around basing your confidence on superficial things like that, women will see right through it.
Some will even challenge you on the spot by playing hard to get, making it difficult for you to keep the conversation going and so on, so they can check to see how confident you really are. When they see that it’s just a front, boom – it’s over.
You Deserve to Be Confident After 50
At this point in your life, you’ve no doubt experienced a lot and have done many good or even great things in your life.
You’re also probably not to bad in the bedroom either.
Those and countless other things should be your reason for feeling confident.
Allow yourself to have that confidence, because when you do, women will love you for it. Dating after 50 is easy for guys who believe in themselves and know that their experience with manhood and their ability to “be the man” is like a drug to women of all ages.
If you don’t have a lot of confidence or are lacking in the masculinity department (mental and emotional masculinity), let me help you out. I’ve heard back from 100s of men over 50 who are now sleeping with women in their 20s and 30s, as well as men who’ve found a beautiful new women to share the rest of their life with.
Don’t Believe the Lies from TV Advertising Campaigns
There’s nothing that advertising campaigns like to do more than appeal to a man’s insecurities surrounding his age.
Think about it; they show the “sad” grey-haired man and then the “happy” man with newly dyed youthful-looking hair. He dyes his hair and then he gets the girl. Yet, in the real world, the many women I’ve spoken to about men dying their hair have said the same sorts of things, “It looks silly. You can tell that the guy is insecure and is trying to be something he’s not.”
As I’ve already said in this article, all women love men who believe in themselves for deeper reasons. Being a girl and dying to hair to “look young” is not cool and it’s not attractive. If anything, it actually makes you look like a guy who secretly isn’t into girls, if you catch my drift.
Hopefully you’re one of the smarter men who isn’t being tricked into thinking that women want you to look radiant and youthful. Hopefully you realize that men actually become more attractive to women as they age, as long as (and I repeat, as long as) the guy retains and builds on his confidence, continues to push forward in life and beyond what he has already achieved.
If you’re wanting to get a date after 50, but you’re lacking confidence and going nowhere in life, don’t expect women of any age to be lining up to be with you.
Most women, whether they’re 25 or 55, are instinctively attracted to the same characteristics in a man. What women really want is to be with a man who knows how to make them feel like a woman and who is able to consistently “be the man” around her and in life, and that’s it.
Yes, some women are picky about looks, but many women are more flexible with what they will find attractive in a guy than most men realize.
So get over that imaginary hurdle and stop thinking that a wrinkle cream or hair die will get you a hot lady. Stop thinking that all you need to do is spend all of your money on a sports car and THEN you’ll get the girl. Just believe in yourself, be a man and make women feel like women.
As you will discover from the video above, the real reason why a lot of good men fail with women is that they simply don’t know how to attract women.
Dating Sites For The Over 50s
When you interact with a woman, she is only going to look at you as a potential lover, boyfriend or husband if you can make her feel sexually attracted to you.
The more sexual attraction you are able to make women feel by way of your personality, confidence, vibe, body language, behavior and attitude, the more options you will have with women. It’s as simple as that.
“But, I’ve Got Baggage…”
Of course you do; you’re 50!
It’s no surprise that a man in his 50s might be carrying a little more “baggage” with him than a man in his 20s. It’s totally normal, expected and nothing to worry about at all.
For instance: Maybe he’s got kids, maybe he’s got six dogs, three cats and a goldfish, but is any of that an issue? It will be an issue only if he chooses to see it in a negative way.
Sure, you might have different sets of responsibilities by the time you reach your 50s compared to a guy in his 20s, but you don’t need to consider it “baggage,” it’s simply part of who you are.
There’s nothing wrong with you having a past with other women, or having a dog that you love or having your children come and stay with you on weekends. Women are attracted to men who know who they are; men who have established their own set of values in life and men who have the strength of character to stand by those values and always be true to themselves.
Knowing who you are and knowing what you want from life makes you an attractive man at any age. To get over this particular hurdle regarding dating after 50, all that you need to do is realise that most women (not all) are interested in “who” you are, not “what” you are.
“But, I’m Set in My Ways…”
If you want help and advice about dating after 50 because you’ve realized that the world has changed since you were last on the dating scene, you need to be prepared to learn from current experts in the field.
Dating For The Over 50s People
Trying to use advice that was applicable 40 years ago is only going to cause you trouble because, believe me, things really have changed. To master the modern dating scene, you need to be open to learning and that means being open to change. If you’re too set in your ways and you’re not open to change, things are going to stay exactly as they are.
Don’t make the mistake of getting locked into thoughts of, “Well I am what I am, so it’s too late to change anything now.” Success with women is all about taking steps to become the best version of yourself it’s possible to be, so you can attract a quality woman and keep that woman (if you want to!).
Don’t settle for second best or worse – nothing at all. You deserve to be happy and have a beautiful woman to share your life with, or if you prefer, many beautiful women to share your bed with.
If you’re dating after 50 and are looking for advice, then let me help you. I’ll show you the way to quickly having your choice of beautiful women…and you don’t need to change a thing about your physical appearance to make that happen.
Ready to begin?
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